Magdalena Marcinkowska (Madlen Revlon)

With the permission of a participant in the WOK residency programme: Process-ing Change. An Artistic and Research Accompaniment, we take a look at her notes — documentation of her personal process of experiencing change.

During the Process-ing Change residency, I decided to thoroughly examine my current methods of working within the ballroom community. This grassroots initiative, inspired by the concept of a biological family, was making it difficult for me to find a balance between my personal and professional life that would enable me to better support others and myself. I felt the need for a change that would allow me to better manage my time and energy. For years I have been in a leadership role and I realised I needed someone to help me organise my activities.

In the world of ballroom and the artistic environment, everyone tends to know everyone else, making it difficult to distinguish between the professional and the personal. I began to lose sight of what constitutes my work, what brought me joy, and what I truly need. Therefore, I decided to have sessions with Cezary Jaszkowski, an EAGT (European Association for Gestalt Therapy) certified psychotherapist, to work together on a rational division of energy between my projects, educational situations and personal matters. During the residency I also had a series of meetings with Szymon Adamczak, a dramaturge, director and activist working at the intersection of theatre, performative actions and social activities and is engaged in queer pedagogy. During these sessions, we exchanged our experiences related to the education of queer individuals.

During the sessions with Cezary Jaszkowski, we came to the conclusion that my functioning in the ballroom environment could be divided into four areas: collaboration with institutions and individuals I employ (production and curatorial work), choreography creation and rehearsal management, teaching activities (pedagogical work) and private relationships. Initially, we focused on analysing how I engage in collaborations and carry out tasks. I used to act intuitively, but now I try to verbalise, organise and plan everything. I am learning to define my responsibilities and make conscious decisions regarding collaboration with institutions, companies and individuals. Szymon Adamczak, in turn, shared structures functioning in Amsterdam around queer communities. We discussed how I can maintain the hygiene of my work and expand my areas of activity. I shared with him the reflections I had after the meetings with Cezary, and tried to find practical applications for the topics of the therapeutic session.

The time I spent during the residency at WOK was very valuable for me and marks only the beginning of my changes. It has given me the direction iI want to take in my career. I am working much less, taking better care of my comfort and communicating my needs more boldly. There’s still a lot of work to be done, but at this stage I already know it’s worth taking care of myself. For the first time, I have started to plan ahead and delegate some of my tasks to others. I am now trying to adopt new behaviours that conserve my energy. Before accepting new assignments, I inquire about more details, set clear boundaries and express my needs without excessive emotional involvement. I have created an agenda for my work so that the people I employ know how our creative process will unfold.

1. The first meeting with Cezary Jaszkowski and setting the theme of the session, which focused on areas of my work such as event production, choreography creation and rehearsal planning, voguing classes, and my relationships with others in the community.
2. Realising that I am an event producer and have already organised about 50 events. Previously, I had overlooked this aspect — the most important thing for me was the opportunity to perform and create job opportunities for queer individuals. I also discovered how many skills I have gained through organising events and how I can develop them.
3. Discovering that I undervalued my work and overlooked the fact that I needed help from others. I used to push myself to the limit in order to do the best job I could. I also learned to negotiate terms before accepting a new assignment.
4. Consultations with Szymon Adamczak regarding the application I submitted to the City of Warsaw for an artistic scholarship. Through our collaboration, I also created an agenda for my work that I can present to people entering wo want to collaborate with me.